A recent series of events (including a moment of weakness over the weekend) and some quiet soul-searching has lead me on a new path to Non-Smokerdom.
Its a less traveled path, but an ancient one.
It is the path of the Cold Turkey.
I'm not going to go into too much detail as to why I decided to stop taking the Chantix because I still believe its an extremely effective stop smoking aid. I do not want to discourage others from giving it a try.
This is all I'm gonna say about it:
I don't like taking pills. I never have. I knew this about myself, but fought it because I wanted to give Chantix a shot. I had heard many a success story and felt it would be self-defeating to deny myself such a specialized weapon against cravings and withdrawal. So, I took the Chantix, and while yes it worked, I increasingly found it difficult to make myself take it every day on time and in the right dosage. The pill itself was becoming a source of anxiety and conflict.
For me, it became a question of just who was in charge. Me or the Chantix? I know, I know, that's the whole point of the medication in the first place, its supposed to take charge because the smoker is too vulnerable and weak to lead the battle against nicotine cravings. And that's great, like I said, its a wonderful tool, a modern medical advancement in smoking cessation. I personally just can't bring myself to relinquish that kind of prolonged control, even if it means giving up some of the burden, too.
One thing I've always hated about smoking is the way cigarettes take priority over everything else on a daily basis. Every single day, day in day out, 365 a year, a smoker must keep a check on their "supply" never ever letting it get too low. A smoker could hardly enjoy a meal if he weren't confident a cigarette would follow. That goes for everything in life. Every thing. Driving must be accompanied by a smoke. Conversation can not be enjoyed without it. Even exercise. Nothing like a cigarette after yoga I'm told. Coffee. Beer. Sex. Open-heart surgery. You name it, there's not a single occasion that isn't made better with a cigarette. I always hated being a slave to nicotine. I hated that I had to run to the convenient store once, sometimes twice a day. Considering I can use my card at the pump, If I never have to step foot into another Hess or 7-Eleven, it will be too soon. I guess I started having the same feeling about taking Chantix everyday. I started to wonder if I was setting myself up to "need" a little pill every morning and evening. The sample packs Robby and I were given were starting to run out and it was becoming a concern. We literally sat down and counted pills to see when he would need to make a doctor's appointment to get more. It all started feeling a little too familiar. I wondered if I was trading Convenient Stores and Marlboro for Dr.'s offices and Chantix.
Yes, yes, I understand its a "lesser of two evils" kind of thing. The nicotine in the Marlboros is addictive, the Chantix isn't. The Chantix is temporary. Uh huh. Well, I became a bit discouraged when I read this...
"Some people take Chantix for up to six months."
Here's what I know. I know I don't want to be thinking about cigarettes or little blue pills 6 months from now.
No doubt, Chantix helped get me this far. And for that, I am grateful. But bottom line, this is my battle. I set the rules of engagement from here on out.
While I admire your tenacity in this endeavor, I have to disagree with your method.
ReplyDelete"I personally just can't bring myself to relinquish that kind of prolonged control, even if it means giving up some of the burden, too."
Uh huh. You see, you are an addict. You may not like pills or cocaine or shooting up, but you are a hard-core addict. All addicts attempt to convince themselves that they are in control. "I can quit whenever I want to" or "I can do it by myself" is often followed (in short order) by "but I don't want to" and some lame explanation when, in fact, they can NOT do it on their own.
Leaving this program behind weakens your chances of success greatly. I will tell you a secret: I did NOT complete the Chantix program... but I did it for about 3 months. I knew I was ready to stop the program when I discovered the following: I did not crave a cigarette. Not under any circumstance. I had no moments of weakness or desire to light up. Also, I really loved smelling my clean clothes, food, scented candles and the shampoo I washed with hours later. Conversely, I HATED the smell of smoke and of cigarettes. Even in the pack. I picked up an old pack I stashed in my glove box from the beginning of the program and I couldn't even imagine ruining my smell with that stench.
When I stopped taking Chantix, Gibby was upset with me. I was already therapeutically complete, though. This was evidenced by the fact that I haven't smoked since, but at 4 days of non-smoking, I would have folded like origami.
The longer you take the Chantix, the better your chances for success. Long term, too.
Remember when you quit for a long time... when you were pregnant? You did it then, right? Wrong. Because you're still smoking (circa 4 days ago). I hate to sound like such a bummer, but Chantix has a specific mechanism of action that blocks your receptors. It trains your chemicals and your psychological response. Without that training, you are still an addict.
Sure, people CAN stop cold turkey... but you have got to have the will power of STEEL. I wish you luck, but wish you'd reconsider the Chantix, at least for a little while - until you FEEL that you're an ex-smoker - and trust me, you'll KNOW.
The journey isn't over, and I wish you'd do yourself a favor and take the easier road. Whatever you decide to do, though, I'm here for you.
Stay strong.
I appreciate your advice my friend and please know that I will not rule out using Chantix again should I feel like the "cold turkey" is not going as planned.
ReplyDeleteI'm taking this day by day. If I make it through 24 hours without a cigarette (and without killing anyone) I consider it a very good day. A success. I stopped the Chantix almost sort of, kinda on accident, by forgetting to take it. Next thing I knew I had made it through 24 hours, no cig and no chantix. I decided to try it again the next day. It was hell, but I did it. And the next day too. Seems almost kinda silly to start taking it now. Might as well keep going with what I'm doing at this point.
I do understand it was a very risky decision to stop the Chantix and go cold turkey. I would not advise it for every one. I am a cranky, cranky bitch right now. I probably wouldn't be quite as cranky if I were still taking the Chantix. But, here's the way I look at it. I won't be this cranky forever. It will pass. Matter of fact, I know from experience that after about 2 weeks it does get much much easier.
And don't worry, this isn't about me fooling myself. I know "the wanting to be in control" thing smacks of denial. All I can tell you and a few other friends who seem disappointed in my decision to stop Chantix is, you haven't heard me follow it up with any excuses yet, like the "but I'm not ready" line. That's because my decision to forgo Chantix isn't an excuse to quit quitting. If it was, I wouldn't be continuing to torture myself.
I went 3 years without smoking. After three years, I was in fact a bonafide ex-smoker. Yes, I consider it a success. I also consider the time I quit for 6 weeks a success too.
The unfortunate thing is you're right. I am an addict. All of us smokers, quitters, and ex-smokers are addicts and there is no cure. There's always, always a chance of us slipping back to it. No matter how much we might think we have the habit behind us, or even if we come to hate it, despise even the smell of it, we are always just one puff away from falling back to our old ways.
I disagree that Chantix permenantly alters the way a brain is wired. 3 years into not smoking a Chantix quitter's chances of relapsing are no worse or better than a patch or hypnosis quitter's odds. If someone's going to relapse after 2 or 3 years, or 10 months or 10 years even, it has very little to do with how they initially kicked the habit.
That's not to say Chantix doesn't work wonders. I believe it does. And I definitely see your point about the easier road. But, with 4 days under my belt, tomorrow doesn't terrify me without Chantix. I really do think I'll be ok. It will suck, but I think I can do it. I can't make any promises beyond the next 24 hours though. But, I don't think I could make that kind of promise even if I was still taking Chantix. Right now, its still one day at a time. I ain't even looking at the long term.
I'm keeping my options open, don't worry. Today I'm all about the cold turkey. Tomorrow, I might want to give the patch a shot. Two weeks from now, I might be right back at Chantix.
I read something on a website earlier today that I liked, it said something like,
"There's one sure way to quit smoking....
Never Take Another Puff."
And, btw, you don't sound like a bummer. I agree with much of what you are saying. And I appreciate the words of encouragement and the honesty.
Thank you my ex-smoker friend :-)