Here We Go Again

I'm going to take a minute to welcome myself back. Its time to try to quit smoking again. This time, I'm even less enthusiastic about it than I was the last time. But, I know writing about it helps inspire me so here I am. I'm not making any promises at this point. I haven't even picked a quit date yet.

I'm at a point today in the process of quitting that I didn't share last time. Last time I started out at the point where I had already set my mind on it and had spent some time pumping my spirits and determination up. I skipped the wallowing in self pity and the general funky, uncomfortable mindset that I'm at now where reality tells you its time to go to war again but you just don't feel like you're up to the task. Every ounce of me says its too hard to quit and like a stubborn child, I just simply don't want to do it. I've been in this mentality for months now. I go to bed every night and say to myself, "Tomorrow I'll get up and I'm not going to smoke." The morning comes and I remember my nightly resolve, pour a cup of coffee, and give it all of 2 minutes consideration before saying, "Screw it," and reach for my cigarettes.

Resolve. Failure. Resolve. Failure. Day in, day out, until eventually I tell myself I just can't do it. I can't stop smoking. Its not possible right now for one reason or another. I've got this stress, or that stress...yadda yadda yadda. Excuses. Excuses. Then I go about my day, putting it further and further out of mind. I find other things throughout my day to occupy my mind so that I may smoke in peace without my conscience nagging at me every second.

Until I lay down at night. That's when the sharp chest pains come. That's when I can no longer deny what's happening. I've got a nasty habit that's slowly killing me.

I can let this go on forever or until I'm dead. Many smokers do. I can live in near poverty and deteriorating health on a daily basis because I've grown accustomed to it. Its easier than quitting smoking. Its easier to ignore the drain on the quality of my life than it is for me to sustain the mental fortitude it takes to quit smoking even if just for a few weeks.

Yes, it is that hard. At least, it is for me. I'd rather have my fingernails pulled out with pliers than face the endless hours, sometimes torturous minutes, that constitute those first few days of withdrawal.

But, it must be done. And I must do it. I have to try again. I've put it off long enough.

My doctor says the average smoker tries to quit 8 times before they quit for good. So, I'm not doing so bad. I've had some real success in the past, including my 3 year stint back when my kids were babies. I've already proven to myself that I can do it. I just have to do it.

"Just do it." Nike really nailed it with that one, didn't they?

If Ayn Rand Is Wrong I Don't Want To Be Right.

http://www.bnet.com/blog/salesmachine/top-10-reasons-ayn-rand-was-dead-wrong/11984

My take down of the take down. I'm in bold, because I'm selfish like that. The numbering is off too, but I'm too lazy and self-righteous to fix it. You'll figure it out.

1. Laissez-Faire capitalism doesn’t work. Neither does a command-economy under a dictatorship, but try telling that to Kim Jung Il. Laissez-Faire capitalism is a utopian fantasy. And, which, pray tell, political-economic system is not a utopian fantasy? Socialism? Mercantilism Communism? Fascism? They all strive for perfection, don't they? Some just suck at it more than others, which is the whole point of # 4 “The ideal political-economic system is Laissez-faire capitalism.” Its the ideal, see, because it doesn't suck as bad as all the others. And like all utopias, it cannot actually exist. Oh, ok, it's like unicorn poo. Therefore, as a philosophy, it needs to be judged on how it gets implemented in the real world, with all the real world’s inherent inconsistencies. Wait, you just said it cannot actually exist. Just like Marxism, in the real world, produced the Soviet system in Russia, the real world implementation of laissez-faire capitalism, led by Rand-disciple Greenspan, produced the great recession. The Mirriam-Webster's dictionary defines Laisses-faire as “a doctorine opposing governmental interference in economic affairs beyond the minimum for maintenance of peace and property rights.” Is that what system we were under when we were led by Greenspan? During that time, did we really have NO governmental interference in economic affairs beyond the minimum of peace....yada, yada yada? Isn't it at all possible government intervention and regulation had just a teensy weensy bit to do with the recession, too? Nah, course not. If only we had resisted the utopian fantasy of Laissez-faire and followed Greece and most of western Europe down the socialist path we could have avoided all this recession business like they have, right? What's that you say? Greece is screwed? Well, how in the world did that happen?

2. Reason has real-world limitations. While I’m all for valuing reason over superstition, the notion that one can use reason without emotion is science fiction. No, reason without emotion is science. You'll just have to trust me on this one. Maybe that works on the planet Vulcan, but human beings swim in a vast ocean of emotion. Emotion governs the “why” behind every exercise of reason, determining our choices of interest and intention. In the real world, people use reason as a way to buttress what their emotions desire. No, that's called making excuses or rationalizing, not reason.

3. Ayn Rand was a emotional nut case. Regardless of what you think of her philosophy and writing, Rand’s personal life was a complete shambles. She became involved in an adulterous affair with a disciple (a “reasonable” decision on her part, of course), and then went all “old bat of out hell” when he made the “reasonable” decision to start boinking some younger woman. The resulting emotional pyrotechnics were a perfect example of the impotence of Objectivism as a life creed. Nice ad hominem.

3. Her philosophy is devoid of gratitude. While individualism has some value, Objectivism largely discounts the fact the every successful person stands on the shoulders of those who have come before. In addition, success always involves an element of luck, often consisting of having had the luck to be born into a rich family with plenty of connections. Success devoid of gratitude and the noblesse oblige to help others brings out the worst in people. Ok.

4. Reality is NOT an objective absolute. There’s no way to tell whether reality is objective or not because it can only be perceived subjectively. While it could be argued that the consensus of multiple subjective realities equals objective reality, the exact same logic would also assign objective reality to Jung’s archetypes, which appear inside every human being’s dreams. In any case, measuring something changes the thing measured, so simply perceiving “reality” changes the nature of reality. Therefore, so it can’t be absolute. What the hell is this guy talking about?

5. Howard Roark was a lousy architect. If Roark (the hero of Rand’s book The Fountainhead) wanted his “vision” to be his alone, he had no business getting other people to bankroll it. Instead, he should have done something like the Watts Towers, where he’d be responsible for every part of the project, including its construction. Large scale architecture is a collaborative venture that involves satisfying the desires and needs of the client. Good architects are expert at managing client expectations and working through creative differences. I haven't read The Fountainhead (or Atlas Shrugged) so I'm not familiar with Roark's professionalism. I do, however, know a little bit about the construction world, and I know that architects are usually in charge of the design of a project, not the construction of it. General Contractors are usually responsible for the actual construction. Funny enough, state licensing and regulations often determine who does what job.

6. Facts do NOT trump feelings, wishes, hopes, and fears. Facts don't usually trump feelings, wishes, etc, but it can't hurt to subscribe to a philosophy that suggests we consider the facts and try to base decisions on them. As any sales professional knows, when dealing with human beings, facts ALWAYS run a distant fifth. That’s particularly true when dealing with people who are operating under the fantasy that their decisions are based upon “fact.” I've made decisions based on facts before. Some of them weren't the easiest choices, but they turned out to the best choices. Facts! Don't knock em till you try em. Emotion trumps reason every time, and nobody is easier to influence emotionally than those who are so unaware of that their emotions that they think they’re making “reasonable” decisions. How does any of this make Rand “dead wrong”?

7. Every man does NOT exist for his own sake. Careful, atheists won't like where you're going with this one. While Rand believed that pursuit of one’s own rational self-interest and one’s own happiness is his life’s moral purpose, the scientific fact is that man evolved as a communal creature, with bonds of family and community being tightly tied to health, happiness, longevity, and pretty much everything that makes life pleasurable. If communal bonds lead to health, happiness..and everything that makes life pleasurable then being a communal creature still serves ones own self-interest, does it not? Objectivism thus runs counter to demonstrable scientific fact.

8. Reading Rand creates instant jackasses. Obviously, this guy's read a lot of Rand. Anyone who’s been subjected to a friend who suddenly “discovers” Rand knows that reading her works causes people to act like selfish idiots. I “discovered” Rand in my Ethics class, but whatever. They combine a patina of “reason” over a self-righteous justification of whatever their “id” are we talking about Freud now? Man, this guy jumps around. happens to want at the time and then insist that they’re just pursuing their own self-interest. They also become incredibly boring, about on the level of a newly converted Scientologist. Dude, you're so cool. You're nothing like those Rand fans.

9. Rand is the CEOs’ favorite philosopher. Most CEOs already have CEO disease, which the medical profession defines as “the enlargement of the sphincter so that it covers the entire body, creating an overwhelming itch that can only be calmed by the frequent osculation of underlings.” Let’s face it: if there was ever an human ilk who don’t need a philosophy that drives them to be even more selfish, it’s the overpaid and overpampered CEOs of the world. Jealous much?
   

Obama's Only A Little Bit Pregnant

Isn't it funny how Boehner "acknowledges his addiction," but Obama only "sneaks a smoke" from time to time.

WHATEVER.......

Update Quickie

Still not smoking. I have no idea how long its been now, and I'm too lazy to go and do the math.

Robby hasn't smoked, either. He's off Chantix now, too.

Still not really seeing the financial rewards. Still a mystery why that is so.

Robby went to the Doctor last week, and get this, his blood pressure was up, sky high, so she finally decided to put him on medication. Can you believe it? The guy quits smoking, and his blood pressure gets worse instead of better.

I have managed to not gain an alarming amount of weight, despite being willy-nilly about my "diet plan."

Seems we just can't win for losing.

There are two things that still make it all worth it. And I mean that. I've been very clear that I did not quit smoking because I wanted to, I did it out of necessity. Robby and I were years past the time that we could afford to throw away money to slowly kill ourselves. So, if I'm not seeing the financial gains of quitting, what then could possibly make quitting something I didn't want to quit worth it?

I'll tell you. Two things. 1.) I no longer have to make daily trips to the gas station. This might sound trivial to some, but its a very big deal to me. I have always despised the fact that my addiction had power over me on a daily basis. I make the call to stop at the 7-Eleven now, not some chemical in my blood stream.
2.) And this is really number one, but I just saved the best for last. My kids are thrilled that Mommy and Daddy have quit smoking. What more do I need?

Show Me The Money

Hmmm, Not really seeing the financial rewards of quitting yet like I would expect.

Its a little disheartening when I check my bank account expecting to be pleasantly surprised and finding it looks pretty much the same as it did a couple months ago.

How the hell can that be?

I've been quite the hermit since I quit, did I maybe miss something? 2+2 still equals 4, right? How is Robby and I not spending $24.00 a day, not adding up to saving $24.00 a day?

Robby's still taking Chantix and had to have the prescription filled, but it still doesn't add up.

You Are What You Eat

Just a quick update, cause I got a lot of studying to do today.

What week is this now? 4? I'm starting to lose track.

Last week I spent some time thinking about how I wanted to change my diet. Since my motivation for quitting smoking is largely based on economics, I think it follows too that my food choices reflect this as well.

I need to save money and forgo calories. And I suppose it won't kill me to try to eat "healthier."

Simple enough, right? Well, the tricky part is coming up with a game plan that is realistic for a family of four. It can't just be about me and what I eat. I've seen some of my girlfriends try this and it never works and I know me, I won't be satisfied with my rice cake while everybody around me is eating their Big Macs. That's just setting yourself up for failure.

Here's where I think I want to go with the diet thing. I don't have a lot of money, but I do have time lately since I don't have a job right now and my school load is light this semester. Time is a resource and I need to better use it to my advantage. Until now, we've always ate out a lot. We do this out of convenience mostly. But, sometimes because its cheaper than cooking at home. Don't believe me? Check out the prices of chicken breast at the grocery store, then compare it to the dollar menu at McDonalds.

Still with me? Ok. So, I remembered hearing about how Mediterranean cuisine is very healthy. I happen to love Middle Eastern and Mediterranean food and Robby does too, so I decided to see if I could incorporate more of it into our weekly routine. The more I'm cooking the less we're eating out. And I wanted to see if this could be done on the cheap, too. I found a good website with recipes and even monthly menu ideas. What I liked most about the site is that it reminds its visitors that eating Mediterranean style is not just about the food. Its also about the when and how. Its about serving meals in courses, slow and in small, but delicious portions. You take the time to enjoy the food. This is key. And as the cook, you don't compromise on taste for convenience. Ever. You don't rush breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

Bottom line; if you cook your meals from scratch or as close to scratch as you can, they will be healthier and they'll taste better.

But will they be cheaper?

Well, that's the real challenge, I think. And, my guess is, yes. If I cook the majority of my meals from scratch, I'll save money because I can cook in bigger batches so that we have quantity and quality. But, it will be a challenge. I will need to clip coupons and hit the farmer's market more often than I'm use to. And I'll need to organize and plan the meals out (and I'm not known for my organizational skills.)

Does every meal need to be taken from a secret Italian recipe? No. I think what I'll do is just work off the basic principles of the Mediterranean diet and lifestyle. They eat lots of veggies. So I will try to add more to our diet. This is a challenge with my kids. We'll see how it goes. But the main principle I think is fresh, basic ingredients. The less the food is processed, the better. If one day a week we would rather have Irish corned beef and cabbage instead of Lebanese Shawarma or Italian linguine in pesto sauce, as long as its homemade, we're doing good.

Will this really help me to not gain weight now that I'm not smoking, and wasn't that the whole point?

Well, yes it was the whole point. I don't know. We'll see. I'll try to keep a record of it. My thoughts on this are that by eating 3 squares a day (something I've never done before) I'll limit how much I want to snack throughout the day. And keep in mind, the food might be from scratch and taste fantastic, but the slowed down pace of eating in courses, ie: salad first, main course, fruit for dessert, should help to keep the portions of the high calorie foods down. That's the theory, anyway.

All I know is, I think its important to be realistic when considering a diet plan. I could never do what I've seen some people do to lose weight. I love food too much. And again, I have to come up with something that will work for my whole family, not just me.

I thought this was supposed to be a quick post? See, there's those organizational skills I need to work on.

I'm off now to start my homemade spaghetti sauce, so it will be ready in about 6 hours and get some studying done.

Here's the recipe if anyone cares to try it.

Maybe later I'll do a cost analysis on this homemade version compared to the price of what I would have normally made with canned sauce.

More Incentive to Eat Less

I guess if there was ever a good time for me to start a diet plan.......

It's now.

I'll save money on cigarettes and food.

Is it time to stock up on the Special K?