Reply To My Friend

A few of my friends are disappointed with my decision to stop taking Chantix. I understand why. They are afraid I am slipping off the bandwagon. I'm not. Below is my reply to a friend of mine's comment to my earlier post. I'm making it its own post because 1) it is just too long and rambling to leave in the comments section and 2) because I think other friends of mine will be interested in hearing it too.

Please also read Sarah's comment as well. It is full of very solid quitting advice.

Here's my response (Its rambling, unedited, full of typos. I might come back and clean it up later, maybe not):

I appreciate your advice my friend and please know that I will not rule out using Chantix again should I feel like the "cold turkey" is not going as planned.

I'm taking this day by day. If I make it through 24 hours without a cigarette (and without killing anyone) I consider it a very good day. A success. I stopped the Chantix almost sort of, kinda on accident, by forgetting to take it. Next thing I knew I had made it through 24 hours, no cig and no chantix. I decided to try it again the next day. It was hell, but I did it. And the next day too. Seems almost kinda silly to start taking it now. Might as well keep going with what I'm doing at this point.

I do understand it was a very risky decision to stop the Chantix and go cold turkey. I would not advise it for every one. I am a cranky, cranky bitch right now. I probably wouldn't be quite as cranky if I were still taking the Chantix. But, here's the way I look at it. I won't be this cranky forever. It will pass. Matter of fact, I know from experience that after about 2 weeks it does get much much easier.

And don't worry, this isn't about me fooling myself. I know "the wanting to be in control" thing smacks of denial. All I can tell you and a few other friends who seem disappointed in my decision to stop Chantix is, you haven't heard me follow it up with any excuses yet, like the "but I'm not ready" line. That's because my decision to forgo Chantix isn't an excuse to quit quitting. If it was, I wouldn't be continuing to torture myself.

I went 3 years without smoking. After three years, I was in fact a bonafide ex-smoker. Yes, I consider it a success. I also consider the time I quit for 6 weeks a success too.

The unfortunate thing is you're right. I am an addict. All of us smokers, quitters, and ex-smokers are addicts and there is no cure. There's always, always a chance of us slipping back to it. No matter how much we might think we have the habit behind us, or even if we come to hate it, despise even the smell of it, we are always just one puff away from falling back to our old ways.

I disagree that Chantix permenantly alters the way a brain is wired. 3 years into not smoking a Chantix quitter's chances of relapsing are no worse or better than a patch or hypnosis quitter's odds. If someone's going to relapse after 2 or 3 years, or 10 months or 10 years even, it has very little to do with how they initially kicked the habit.

That's not to say Chantix doesn't work wonders. I believe it does. And I definitely see your point about the easier road. But, with 4 days under my belt, tomorrow doesn't terrify me without Chantix. I really do think I'll be ok. It will suck, but I think I can do it. I can't make any promises beyond the next 24 hours though. But, I don't think I could make that kind of promise even if I was still taking Chantix. Right now, its still one day at a time. I ain't even looking at the long term.

I'm keeping my options open, don't worry. Today I'm all about the cold turkey. Tomorrow, I might want to give the patch a shot. Two weeks from now, I might be right back at Chantix.

I read something on a website earlier today that I liked, it said something like,

"There's one sure way to quit smoking....
Never Take Another Puff."

And, btw, you don't sound like a bummer. I agree with much of what you are saying. And I appreciate the words of encouragement and the honesty.

Thank you my ex-smoker friend :-)